Growing up in my twisted way, I always saw being female equated to being weak and being controlled. Never quite liked the idea and rebelled to this, rather much. Still am. Crying was weak. Showing any emotion other than anger was weak. Being beautiful was weak and not needed. Flowers, pink, pastels, lace, ruffles, cooking, playing house was all weak, shallow, soft, and worthless. The woman was always to defer to the man (this was and still is shoved at me as biblically based and therefore the only thing to be considered). Another extreme that I saw was that of the oversexed and underdressed temptress/whore/slut who either used sex as a way to get what she wanted or was nothing more than a toy or accessory that was, again, controlled. This also brought with it the idea that the female form and female sexuality was inherently bad, evil, sinful, to be repressed and covered and shoved in the back closet.
Even as I write this I realize that I may not get any response but that’s ok. At least I tried. :p Anyway. Partly in an effort to refocus my twisted perception, partly in an effort create a real picture of a concept that seems to be slipping away, and partly just to gather ideas, I want to put together a collage of pictures, drawings, abstract images, poems, quotes, sayings, etc. of what it means to be or what is really female/feminine/woman/sensual/sexy/innocent/ insert-your-word-here. I want people’s honest, gut reactions and perceptions. And I don’t want just a female perspective on this. I’d actually like to know some guy’s perceptions.
So send me your thoughts and reactions.

Things that make me happy:
Tea, tea cups, and the sound of water boiling
Being buried in feather pillows and blankets
Cookies – Peanut butter
Mangos – Mango lassi, mango-chili candy, mango sorbet, mango salsa…
Flowers – just about any
Airports and luggage
Peppermint ice cream
Strategy – even if I have no idea how to do it
Smell of chili and garlic
Indian food
Mexican food
Italian food
Middle Eastern food
Rain – soft rain in summer
Thunder, lightning, and wind storms
Walking when it’s snowing at night
The smell of wet dirt
Silk, cashmere, angora, leather, crisp cotton, linen, wool – rich, quality fabrics or exotic colors and patterns
PB&J
Grilled cheese sandwiches with ketchup or tomato soup
Homemade lasagna with lots of garlic
Crapes
Sent of cedar, rose, lavender, and mint
Music that gives me goose bumps
Music that makes me dance
Dancing – even when I feel stupid doing it
Warm toes – especially when warmed under somebody else
Hot baths with bubbles and a cup of tea
Rich jewel colors
Playing games with friends
Reading out loud
Claudia’s laugh
Girl’s nights
Singles Awareness Day (sniff sniff)
Old buildings
Stone streets
Theaters and plays
Good chocolate – especially European
PB M&M’s
Being needed
Being wanted
Mom’s BBQ gluten
Books, libraries, book stores, cats in book stores
Jokes
House, Bones, Ugly Betty
Clothes that make you feel invincible or bad ass
Black and white pictures
Old stories
History
Languages I don’t understand
Giving gifts – planning, making, wrapping, anticipating
Shiny cameras and computers
Getting that one perfect picture
Art
Cards or “real” mail in general
Warm snuggles that make you sleepy
Reading in bed on Sunday mornings
Pancakes with mustard, butter, and sugar
Audio books
Debating
Cultural events
The satisfying feeling that comes from having accomplished something
Costuming and making people look really, really good

Has been an odd week/Spring break. Not restful in anyway, but good not to have classes. As usual, I didn't do anything that I had hoped/was supposed to do. I'm thinking I should just give up trying to accomplish anything as I set myself up for more failure. :p oh well.
Saw the movie 300. I think I've seen enough naked man flesh to last me awhile. While I am a normal female (oddly enough) and find fit males attractive, that was a bit much. Ok, a lot much. Too much. Over all the movie was ok. Usual story line "oppressed people inspired by charismatic leader to fight for independence, defend honor,and die gloriously." Which, of course happens. Best lines of the movie - Queen Gorgo in response to Persian emissary dising her, "Because Spartan women are the only ones who give birth to real men" and heaping revenge, "This will not be slow. You will not enjoy this. I am not your queen." I felt like cheering when she said that.
I've never really thought of myself as the geeky type but I guess I am. After getting back my apt. Sat. night/Sun. morning, I was up until 2 A.M. looking up info on Sparta, the Greco-Persian wars, and reading bits of Herodotus' Histories, which oddly enough mentions Gorgo (Greek women weren't thought of too highly and so the fact that she was mentioned, by name no less, is amazing.) and her famous Spartan women spiel. Quite a bit of the movie is historically accurate and some of the dialog/ lines are taken from Histories. I did the same thing with a period Korean drama I've been watching about courtesans. It is actually based on the most famous Korean courtesan, so I spent most of last week reading about Korean dynasties, traditions, courtesans, and musical interments. And here I started watching it because it had pretty, fluffy dresses (in silks and brocades that make me drool. - $50,000 were spent on the main character's clothing alone.) I guess I am a geek after all.

List seven songs you are into right now, no matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're not any good but they must be songs you're really enjoying now. Post these instructions in your LiveJournal along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they're listening to.

Songs I like at the moment. (oddly enough, only 2 are in English...wait..3 techno counts right?)

1. Tri-angle (extended version) - Dong Bang Shin Ki ft. BoA and the TRAX
2. SuperFabulous - BT
3. Sad Tango - Rain
4. Can You Feel Me - Se7en
5. Get Up And Dance - Se7en
6. Courage - Superchi[k]
7. Suddenly - Superchi[k]

Here are my tagged friends. If you don't wanna do this in your journal, you can reply with some of your favorite music. (Don't have 7...)

1. lady_draconix.
2. wistfulmemory
3. caffinatedaisie
4. crazypsyche
5. metalmaid

Due to a strong hint from someone, I have changed my user pic. The one currently showing is a lovely (insert embarrassed face here) pic from the album cover of a Korean artist called Bi (also known as Rain or "that one guy from Full House (Korean Drama--very good)).

Remind me to elope should I ever get married. The international student adviser got engaged over Thanksgiving and is now trying to plan a wedding. 'Tis odd, interesting, and stressful to listen to her as she plans and makes phone calls. There are pictures and churches and receptions halls and food and dress and whether to do rings or no and family issues and...and...and...and. And it all costs enormous amounts of money. And time. And stress.
So, yes. Me thinks eloping is the way to go.
That is the extent of my interesting day.

So. Apparently I was the cause of a nightmare for Schroeder. Well, I was part of the subject anyways. He told me Monday that he had had a nightmare the night before that I had rearranged his office and he couldn't find his lecture notes anywhere and he was going from building to building looking for them and he only got to class 5 min. before it ended. he he he.
On another note, he gave me an advent calender. You know, the kind with little chocolates you are supposed to eat each day. Thing is, I have no idea how to use it. Do you start with day number 1 or number 24? Someone told me 24, but I don't know.
hmm. And I have been offered a little 3' Christmas tree. Not sure if I want it though. That and my lovely roomie isn't big into Christmas. It'd be nice to have a tree for Christmas, but it does seem like a lot of trouble for something for just me to look at. God, I'm turning into a scrooge. 'Tis a good thing I've already got some of the gifts already. Perhaps it will motivate me to finish, even if I don't want to.
I need a massage and to go to sleep and never wake up. I hurt everywhere and I have no motivation. Not a good thing two weeks from the end of the semester.
Must go. Must do something.

Hi. I'm looking for the album Color the Small Ones by Sia. Any help would be appreciated.